honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
