im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
