using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
