people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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