omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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