He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
