Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
