But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
