If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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