Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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