I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
