so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
