We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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