Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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