enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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