it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She said her name was "party"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
