so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
