I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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