I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you never un-have a 4some
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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