have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
