i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
