why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
