You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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