I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
