I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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