Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ate ashes out of my bong
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
