look no pants
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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