We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
