Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
