you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
