I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
