Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
