Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
