my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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