Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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