All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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