If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
