we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're like the curious george of whores
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
