Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
