I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize