remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
