I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
