I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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