I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
