I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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