By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
