none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
