Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize