I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
