Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
