This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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