I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
