I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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