Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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