dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
