All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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