you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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