I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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