I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
