so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
