i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
