who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We smell like vodka and hangover
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