Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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