If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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