she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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