I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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