walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
