Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
