I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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