Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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