How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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