So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
