I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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