I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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