You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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