i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Randomize
